[05 Jan 2010|12:24am] zumily Lyrics to Kite Song : Oh, tie me to the end of a kite So I can go on, I can go on with my life Every marigold I pass below will be my guiding light I just want to go away from here Oh, tie me to the end of a kite So I can go on, I can go on with my life Every time the wind blows stronger, I will feel my spirit rise I just want to go away from here Oh, tie me up tightly by your side So I may go with you where ever you reside And anytime the road looks dimmer I will be your guiding light I just want to go away with you I just want to go away with you post comment

[05 Jan 2010|12:19am] zumily My brain is so messed up. I am always changing my mind, feeling so many different emotions. I do not understand. I never thought this would be me. For having so many people around me...I feel completly alone. "I hate the phone, but I wish you'd call." "I lost my way when I lost you." There are those times when you go through a situation and everyone around you trys to tell you how everything is going to work out, and they are so positive. Its not that you want to hear the alternative but sometimes I wish everyone would shut up. Even the people who have gone through what Im going through, it is still different. I literally feel like every part of being died...like its on vacation. I fight everyday to put a smile on and be tough, be the Emily people expect me to be. For 5 minutes I want to be weak. I want someone to give me permission to cry and not have to be brave. There are good moments in everyday. A moment when a song gives me hope, and my prayers give me peace and for a second my laughs are real and I feel like everything is going to one day be good again. I just wish there were more moments like this, they are few and far between and you just have to hold on tight with everything you have. I have to keep fighting because I am tough and I am brave. For once though I wish someone could crawl inside my mind and see how much I hurt. Next week could change everything. Im in the long haul. post comment

[28 Dec 2009|05:12pm] zumily A week ago it was just another normal day. Everything was happy, I was happy...excited about upcoming events. It is is amazing how much can change in one week, in one day. All of a sudden my whole world felt as though it was over. I never thought I would feel like I wished I could pinch myself and just wake up. I am awake, this is my reality. The next few months could be the hardest I have ever been through, I know the last few days have been. I am strong, and I can see the positive side, I can be joyful, and I will do my best to learn from what is going on around me. I know none of this is my fauly that some times people have problems, and there problems affect you in the process. I pray for healing. My favorite thing about Jesus the power he has to transform and change lives. The power he has to bring freedom to ones life. I pray he brings change upon the lives around me. The he won't let them walk away, that he gets inside them, and they can not shake that feeling of truth. I pray for truth to over come the people around me. You can not deny truth, you can try but it won't give up on you and eventually you recongize it. I pray they recongize it sooner then later. So many things in this life change us, situations both good and bad are an everyday part of life and how you deal with those situatons and rise above them make you the person that you are. Some times you do not realize you have an issue until years down the road and it takes guts to say you need help. It is not easy, I know that, I have been there, but I can promise freedom, transformation are the light at the end of dark dark tunnel you feel like you in. Jesus is at the end of tunnel. post comment

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